Who’s That Stranger Looking At Me? (a reality pill worth swallowing)
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am really not that young anymore. I am not saying I am old, in fact I can never complain about age in my family because I am the youngest of four. My oldest sister being ten years my senior! Ha, ha, my senior now she would think I was calling her old. Even my husband is older than my oldest sister so, well I can’t really complain about it to him either! Everybody else hit their “milestone” birthdays before me so when I turned 30 and 40 well the best they could do is to remind me how much younger I am then they, so quit bitching!
One time I was the “young associate” in the office! Later I was the” young bride”, ah newly wed! Eventually I was the “young mother”, love those darlings! Thankfully, I will always be my Mom’s youngest daughter, her baby! When I was a child she always introduced me in this way “and here is my baby, Jane”, oh I hated it back then, but have grown to love it very much! Thank you Mom, you forever make me young.
But back to this pondering, how did I get to this reflection in my bathroom mirror? The things I saw happening maybe five years ago, i.e. a little crease between my brows, a couple extra pounds (oh I can’t eat whatever I want anymore), and an ache here and there. I think I should have been happier then because now it is five years later and that crease, well it is deeper, the couple of extra pounds are probably ten, some of the aches and pains don’t go away after moving around anymore. And what is this, a frown line now too? You may have noticed I didn’t mention grey hair and that is only because I inherited my premature greying from my Mom and have been coloring my hair for a good twenty years (shhh).
When I was in my 20’s – 40’s I wasn’t happy with how I looked, I wanted to be in better shape. Although I worked out regularly I never got to “the look” that I thought would make me more acceptable. More, happy. Well you know what? I wish I looked half as good as I looked then, why was I all in a dither? Why didn’t I enjoy my svelte figure more?
There were other things, I despised my teeth I had a gap, my weak chin, my one eye seemed to be smaller than the other, my ears, my complexion the list could go on and on. I am starting to understand how unrealistically I viewed myself. Truly I am an attractive enough person and am pretty sure people don’t view me the same way that I view myself.
I am going to try and make a conscious effort to like who I am “now” because in a few years I will have changed in ways I don’t even know yet. So I have a few more wrinkles, weigh a couple of extra pounds, and have an ache or pain and you know I am going to embrace this and enjoy the physical me that I have become. I have wasted too many days “becoming”, only to find out that I can’t get to whatever that “ideal” is and then missing out on enjoying the moment.
So I am not giving into aging just embracing it. I will continue to work out (so what if the body needs and extra day to recover) that pain simply means I’ve done something and something is better than nothing! Eat healthy, move around, quit judging myself by unrealistic standards. Start giving myself a reality check about expectations.
Okay, so this will be a challenge, it is hard to change a very ingrained thought pattern. However, now that I can look at it and maybe see it for what it is I can remind myself as often as needed to stay realistic. Live in the moment and quit thinking “when I get to this or that” I will be…. I think I will just be now! If you are curious my birthday is in February and I will be 45. See, I told you, I really am not “that young” and I am really not “that old” either. 🙂
You Know What It’s Like – Jane