You Know What It's Like

Unbelievable! Everyday happenings!

Archive for the category “stress”

Help! My Daughter’s boyfriend may be an a**hole!

What does one do when they are really upset but can’t talk to anybody about it? Why blog of course!  So I know this will be a complete rant sorry, but ranting can be useful.  Maybe you can give me some advice.

What do you do when you find out your daughter’s boyfriend is not what everyone thought.  Their relationship is young, just 8 months but when you are 17 that is forever and a long time to have invested in another person.  They have been totally compatible, inseparable, happy in their own world!  Awesome, super intelligent, attractive and  the power couple!

Until today, she discovered while looking at his Ipod touch that he has been talking to an unknown girl, not just talking but talking about meeting up and cuddling with this girl!! What??  Could he be that much of a heartless a**hole? A deceiver, have they met up?  Even if not, does it matter has cheating already taken place?  What constitutes cheating?

Of course the secondary problem is that she has this information but doesn’t know how to bring it up to him, without sounding like she has been snooping!  Which truthfully, she probably was snooping.  I told her if you didn’t feel something was amiss you wouldn’t have been looking in the first place.  But now what to do?  As far as I am concerned it is over and she should throw him under the bus.  But of course that is a mom talking.

I don’t want her settling for someones crumbs when she should be someones cherries jubilee!  How could this happen?  She is totally devoted to him, but also her own person.  She is beautiful, intelligent, well-read, and a sweetheart!  (this from her mom)   but, he is all  of these things too, except maybe replace beautiful with handsome.  Until today, now , now what is he?  Was this some sort of mistake?  Words don’t lie though so it doesn’t seem possible that there was some mistaken meaning.   Then there is that expensive necklace he just bought her for her birthday.  A moment of guilt?  Redemption in his own mind? What? It was bought and given after the said clandestine text exchange.  So what does it mean?

Is there a way to confront him?  Doesn’t she have the right to say something, since he was the one being deceitful?  She said that she doesn’t want to accuse him of something if there is nothing.  But to me it seems like there has already been something, even if it was just an attempted something.  So next time, it may be a full cheat session and she will have been made the fool.  Err!!!

Of course relationships may come and go but cheating, really at this age?  It seems so calculated. A way of thinking that I just can’t wrap my mind around.  She truly deserves better, how can I make her realize this fact?

What do you think?  Any advice or opinion would be welcomed.   Should she confront him and if yes then how?

I told her that she deserves to be treated well and shouldn’t settle for less.  Also if he isn’t going to treat her well, someone else would be more than happy to treat her with the respect that she deserves.

I would love to give him a piece of my mind let me tell you, but as a mom I know I must not.  The best I can do is give her support and hopefully give her good advice and build her up.  Wow,  this is one of those really difficult parent moments and I just want to cry with her over this! Help!

You Know What It’s Like – Jane

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A New Year, A New Job, A New Outlook!

Wow! I can’t believe it has been soooo long since I have blogged.  I realized that searching for work is a full-time job and finally after my efforts I landed a position and I am thankful for that.  Although I have been working for a bit, I am still awaiting my first pay check and that will be a happy day!

My position is at the school district so I am fortunate enough to have the last four days off from work and it has been a good time to catch my breath and let working full-time sink in to my mind.  It has been a blessing for me to be able to work part-time while my children have been growing.  I love being home with them so even now a school day off for them will usually be a day off for me too.  My family and I, however, have been so settled in to me being home, running errands, repairing things, lawn care and snow removal master, and just the main chief and bottle washer in all things that we will all need to make some adjustments.  I just hope that they are up to the task!!

So, I will need to work on being  better at delegating, a skill I sadly lack when it comes to home management.  Mostly I lack this skill for two reasons.  One I pride myself in getting it “all done” and freeing up the family’s time and two  unfortunately fell into the “it is just easier if I do it myself” trap.  I know this is not uncommon and we could probably all been happy enough living in this way. However, I know now I will not be able to hold up my end of the unwritten bargain.  Things will start deteriorating as we move into a new chapter.  Well, deteriorate initially at least until we all figure out how to share the responsibilities more evenly.

My husband has always laughed at my ability to fall to sleep when my head hits the pillow.  But because I  rarely sitting down to take a break during the day, even before I started my full-time job, I believe is the reason.  It is called being exhausted!  The only problem now is that I can fall asleep immediately only to awaken a few hours later with visions of all of the things I need to do or am not getting done.  Exhaustion reigns!  Zzzzzzzzzzz!!!

So, for the New Year,I have a couple of resolutions.  First, I will blog at least weekly, probably Saturday or Sunday mornings.  Secondly, I will work on being  better at delegating, before it kills me.  Thirdly, I would like to lose ten pounds and this will be easy or hard depending on how I manage my stress.  If I am in the eating everything in sight stress mode or I don’t have time to take a break stress mode.  I know that neither of those are healthy options so hopefully I will find that balance sooner than later!

I hope that you all have  a Happy New Year!  Hey, did you know in Samoa they skipped December 30 this year?  That just blew my mind, so they get to celebrate the New’s Year first before New Zealand and now their time is three hours ahead of New Zealand instead of 21 hours behind! Interestingly the American Samoa island did not make this change and so you could celebrate your birthday twice a year just traveling the 100 miles between the islands, but of course I am at an age that “why would I do that?”

I would love to hear any suggestions about “the balancing act”, delegating, or about maintaining healthy lifestyles, and finding some “quiet time”, while making major life changes.  Anything you have for me I would be grateful! What works for you?  What doesn’t work?

You Know What It’s Like – Jane

 

 

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