You Know What It's Like

Unbelievable! Everyday happenings!

Archive for the tag “relationships”

Help! My Daughter’s boyfriend may be an a**hole!

What does one do when they are really upset but can’t talk to anybody about it? Why blog of course!  So I know this will be a complete rant sorry, but ranting can be useful.  Maybe you can give me some advice.

What do you do when you find out your daughter’s boyfriend is not what everyone thought.  Their relationship is young, just 8 months but when you are 17 that is forever and a long time to have invested in another person.  They have been totally compatible, inseparable, happy in their own world!  Awesome, super intelligent, attractive and  the power couple!

Until today, she discovered while looking at his Ipod touch that he has been talking to an unknown girl, not just talking but talking about meeting up and cuddling with this girl!! What??  Could he be that much of a heartless a**hole? A deceiver, have they met up?  Even if not, does it matter has cheating already taken place?  What constitutes cheating?

Of course the secondary problem is that she has this information but doesn’t know how to bring it up to him, without sounding like she has been snooping!  Which truthfully, she probably was snooping.  I told her if you didn’t feel something was amiss you wouldn’t have been looking in the first place.  But now what to do?  As far as I am concerned it is over and she should throw him under the bus.  But of course that is a mom talking.

I don’t want her settling for someones crumbs when she should be someones cherries jubilee!  How could this happen?  She is totally devoted to him, but also her own person.  She is beautiful, intelligent, well-read, and a sweetheart!  (this from her mom)   but, he is all  of these things too, except maybe replace beautiful with handsome.  Until today, now , now what is he?  Was this some sort of mistake?  Words don’t lie though so it doesn’t seem possible that there was some mistaken meaning.   Then there is that expensive necklace he just bought her for her birthday.  A moment of guilt?  Redemption in his own mind? What? It was bought and given after the said clandestine text exchange.  So what does it mean?

Is there a way to confront him?  Doesn’t she have the right to say something, since he was the one being deceitful?  She said that she doesn’t want to accuse him of something if there is nothing.  But to me it seems like there has already been something, even if it was just an attempted something.  So next time, it may be a full cheat session and she will have been made the fool.  Err!!!

Of course relationships may come and go but cheating, really at this age?  It seems so calculated. A way of thinking that I just can’t wrap my mind around.  She truly deserves better, how can I make her realize this fact?

What do you think?  Any advice or opinion would be welcomed.   Should she confront him and if yes then how?

I told her that she deserves to be treated well and shouldn’t settle for less.  Also if he isn’t going to treat her well, someone else would be more than happy to treat her with the respect that she deserves.

I would love to give him a piece of my mind let me tell you, but as a mom I know I must not.  The best I can do is give her support and hopefully give her good advice and build her up.  Wow,  this is one of those really difficult parent moments and I just want to cry with her over this! Help!

You Know What It’s Like – Jane

The Story of Feelings

The name of this blog is actually the name of a book by Laurie Berkner.  It is a children’s book that talks about feelings and gives children a description of what they may be feeling, when I cry I am sad and crying makes me feel better.  Laughing makes me feel better, when I am happy, yelling when I am angry is okay and makes me feel better.

I am fortunate to work with preschoolers on a daily basis!  I know some of you will find it hard to believe that I truly adore these three to five-year olds so much.  There is probably not an age that is nearly this honest, this inquisitive,  or this innocent in so many ways.  Trust me I have meant a few kiddos who seem to be a bit too precocious for their wee years, yet even in that, it is usually due to exposure out of their control and I feel that still spotlights their innocence in the matter.

The Story of Feelings is a book that we use in our classroom along with a cd that has an awesome calming song that soothes even our toughest three-foot clients.  Today while singing along to this with the children it spurned me on to think of how disingenuous we become as adults about our true feelings.  It is funny because when we are children we are taught the importance of honesty.  If you lie you are probably a bad child, you will have some unpleasant consequences, maybe you will even go to a bad place. But, little Johnny or Suzie, “honesty is the best policy”. Really?  Of course, we don’t want our children to be anything but truthful. Really?

“Young children can be blatantly honest. With statements and questions such as these. ” They are reallllly old!” “You can’t sing!” “They look like this >.< (furrows eyebrows)  and so I don’t want to play with them!” “Your skin is black.” “They are a boy/girl and I don’t want to play with them!””You’ve got a big butt!””They are a boy so they have a penis, right?” “I don’t like you.” “You look wrong.” You have this or that or you don’t have this or that.  So many honest comments.

In time,  kids discover that you can’t really be honest about things, least of all your feelings.  Of course we all need to teach our children the social graces of when it is okay to say things or ask things. But it isn’t long before we teach them to stifle how they feel as well.  Have you ever seen someone punish their child and then tell them  not to cry about it? Wow!

In our classroom we discuss feelings a lot.  A daily question is “how are you feeling today?” Well how do you answer that question?  Nine times out of ten you say “fine”. That is the prescribed answer isn’t it?  That is what we say and that is what people hope to hear because then they can say they are fine too and move on with their day. We all do it, our children hear it.  They learn it.  So our children become conditioned to answer in the same manner. “I am fine.”

This is so ingrained that I don’t know how much we can change, but I do think that I am going to make a conscious effort to think before I answer this question the next time I am asked it.  Well at the very least maybe I can come up with a different adjective that means fine. It sound like this, “Hi, how are you?” ” Satisfactory, thank you.”

Okay my writing is digressing, my teenage daughters are discussing their day and well, I don’t want to miss out.  Maybe I will ask them how they are and see what they answer!   Also I will try to link the “feeling song” before I post this.

You Know What It’s Like – Jane

The Significance of Today……

Today is my Mom’s 73rd birthday! Mom has always been lively, a caretaker,  supportive,  hardworking, a sounding board, an advice giver, a friend, and my biggest fan. I would classify her as an “energizer bunny” of sorts.  She could work circles around people half her age.  The one thing that I have never considered? She’s aging!

Recently, she has had a few health problems.  The “c” word which seems to touch all of us in some way, errr!  Yet, it was skin cancer, treatable, thankfully.  But now I have thought more about her age, more about her mortality!  She has too, I guess, because she has made plans now for those moments that may come when she can’t care for herself.   She has transferred the house into my brother’s and my name.  My name is on her bank accounts and we have been informed  of where “important” papers can be found if we need them.  She has a paid burial plot.

These are all important, good things to have in order.  I know that she feels better planning ahead, yet I have a feeling of dread facing these things.  I have been fortunate to have a Mom who has been there for me and supported me.  Being a mom my self  I now know that I haven’t been as appreciative as I could be for all that she has done for me.

I know part of the concern is that I have to face the fact…. I am going through the aging process too!  Now I say things like, “well when Mom was my age she had already been married for 25 years and was divorced by now”.  “Mom was a grandma when she was my age”.

She raised my brother and myself basically alone on a waitress’ wage.  I knew when things were tough, but I don’t know if I really knew.  What was it  like to live with an alcoholic for all those years and eventually face her own addiction problems?  How did she manage and still be there for us?

I hope that in some way I can be a testament to Mom and her sacrifices.  I will strive to carry out her wishes, whatever they are, in hopes of paying back some of what she has done for me.  Hopefully, I can love my children as unconditionally as she has loved me, even when it was difficult! I will work towards having that boundless energy,  compassionate heart, and her capacity to gain strength through adversity.

She may be preparing for the next step in life but I won’t let her go anytime too soon.  I still look forward to many days ahead!  There are life lessons I have yet to learn from her and I plan on being a good student, a better student then I have been, up to this point.  Cheers, to making the most of every moment!

You Know What It’s Like – Jane

 

 

 

 

 

 

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